Beauty in Brokenness

"He has made everything Beautiful in it's time." Eccl. 3:11

Anticipation is a Killer

on October 30, 2014



Yep it comes up again.  Waiting…. Always waiting.


I am the most impatient person I know.  For real!  Its embarrassing.  If I have to wait any longer than I had planned, I turn into a child.  Tapping my feet, rolling my eyes.  Really mature!

Honestly, no matter how excited I am about something, if I have to wait… I just won’t.

It’s one of the biggest reasons I don’t ride roller coasters.  I love them!! seriously, the best.  But I am not gonna wait in line for it.  Any longer than 20 minutes and I am not a happy camper.

This weekend, my friends planned to go to a haunted house near Aurora.  It has been years since I went to a haunted house.  We left late (mostly because I had double booked the weekend again) and I knew the line would probably be long.  But I was pumped.

*I’m still on the fence about my stance on haunted houses, so don’t take this as a suggestion.

Beginning of the night... before the 4 hour wait.

Beginning of the night… before the 4 hour wait.

The line wrapped around the building but they came around to sell us tickets really early.  By the time we hit the back of the building we expected to be pretty close to the front.  We had waited about 2 hours by this point, but the weather was good and the company was fun so it was no big deal.

When the ticket lady came around again she asked us how long we had been waiting.  “Ok, so total wait must be about 4 hours then,” she said.

Hold up!  2 more hours!! You have got to be kidding me.

Well they already had our money (Smart people) so we stayed.  By 12:30 (at night!!) we finally got through the haunted house.

It was pretty good, but we all agreed, had the line been shorter it would have been more scary.  The anticipation had ran out.  Our adrenaline was pretty minimal at the point.

I feel like that is the struggle of life.  We get excited for what’s next.  But all of sudden we have to wait.  Then the anticipation wears off into frustration.  We stop being excited because it is too hard to not get that desire fulfilled.  We harden our heart to  protect us from the pain.  We tell ourselves we can handle it.  We don’t want it that badly.  We can live without it.  Or we entertain ourselves with lesser things to fill the void.

There are things that I know God has promised me.  But He did not promise them on my timeline.  The more I have to wait, the more I want to blame God for not giving me what I want.  But He never said it would be right now.

Instead of bringing it before the Lord and accepting His patience, I pretend I do not want it.  I make my life function with things that take the place of it and distract me from what I want.


I harden my heart.


Yep, there is that phrase that people use all the time.  Something that we say but rarely mean or explain.

But I feel it… I feel my hard heart.

It’s ok God, I didn’t really want it anyway.

I am fine.

I’ll prove to you that I am great without it.


I’ll be that good little Christian girl that I think you want.  I will prove to you that I am strong.  You will be proud of the way I can wait.  You will be proud of the way I can function without it.

Is that really what He wants?  No!!


He wants us to bring our cares before Him.  He wants us to be real with Him.  He doesn’t want us to suck it up and deal with it.

He doesn’t want us to rob ourselves by putting up with less than His best.

He doesn’t want us to sacrifice our joy in His provision just because we hold Him to a timeline that He never agreed to.

I encourage you to inspect our lives.  Where are the places we are hard hearted?  Things we are waiting for.  Things we are disappointed about.  Places that we feel like God has forgotten.

How do you know those places?  They are the things you just don’t pray for anymore.  The places where you run to something else other than God.  The places that you feel shut off from when they are brought up in conversation.

If you routinely answer a pointed question with”… but its fine.”  I assure you, it is far from fine.

How can you let God back into those places?

We will wait… I promise you that.  It is part of God’s plan.  But we do not have to be hardened, or disappointed.

If you take a step of faith to open those raw places in your heart and confess them to the Lord, He will enter in.  He will help you to wait.  He will give you hope in the mean time.  he will show you how much He truly cares about your hurts and weakness.

Do not miss out on the closeness of God.  Do not make Him prove to you He is worthy of pursuing just by giving you what you ask.  Know Him and be satisfied in the waiting.

Matt Chandler, in His series Beautiful Design, said, “Why would you sacrafice intimacy for protection?”

Lets pursue intimacy with God, by sharing our struggles, instead of protecting ourself.  Because He is our ultimate protector.


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