Beauty in Brokenness

"He has made everything Beautiful in it's time." Eccl. 3:11

Just roll with it.

on August 1, 2014

Tonight, I am sitting in someone else’s house.   All by myself, with a car full of most everything I own.  It is definitely not a normal day.

I am sure in some ways that seems like an awful situation.  But really it is a huge blessing.

No I am not in trouble.  There is nothing shady going on.  

But it is a clear evidence of God’s provision… and His crazy plan.

 

One thing that I have noticed about myself recently was how much of a control freak I am.  I would say that all the time in an off hand way.  Almost like a joke.  No big deal, just a little bit of a control freak.  

But for real tho, I am. 

I thought life would be better if it went the way I thought it should go.  I am a logical person, so my plans makes sense for the most part.  If life is not planned, logical, and efficient I come pretty close to a melt down.

And this summer has brought that to a surface in a whole new way.  

Seriously, I don’t even know why I try and plan anything.  But it has been wonderful in a whole new way.  

From staffing my first summer project while having no idea what I was doing, to driving all over the Chicagoland to spend time with people I love dearly.  I was very rarely no living out of a packed bag, normally figuring out plans the day before.  I stayed in so many random friends houses, I can’t even remember all of them.

Even my living situation is all sorts of inconvenient.  Today I moved out of my lovely townhome, stuffed all my furniture in 2 friends vacant apartments, and prayed that I would have a bed to sleep in for 11 days until my new lease starts.  In comes a lovely family from my church, who will be on vacation for exactly 10 days and asked me to housesit. How perfect can that be?!

Even better is that at a last minute notice, I got three friends to come help me lug all my furniture across town 🙂

There is so much unknown coming.  Things that just happen, seem to be a huge thing, then get taken care of.  The Lord provides.  That is one thing I am completely sure of.

It is still hard for me to trust the Lord.  I am not as much afraid that He won’t provide, but that it will be in a way that I did not want.

But here is the problem with that.  I have expectations.  Things that I think have to happen for me to be happy.  And I strategize in how to get them.  My distrust comes in the idea that God won’t give me what I want.  Maybe it will come in a lesser form.  Like a job, or opportunities, or financial security, or a cool place to live.  Or even freedom to spend time with my family.  

These things are blessings that could be really sweet to me in my life.  But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t other things that could be just as life giving, if I opened my mind to it.  

God’s plans are more complete, and more life giving than I could ever imagine.  If it isn’t, then I think I should check my perspective.

My life is not my own, but it was bought at a price.  And at the same time Jesus died to give me life more abundantly.

So basically I am learning to take things as they come.  To trust God to come through to complete the things he has for me.  To stop waiting for the things I want, and start enjoying the things that are right in front of me.  And to start asking for help, because I need it.  

I am ending the summer tired in lots of ways.  Lots of good ways.  Because learning these lessons is not comfortable.  Its uncomfortable and stressful at times.  It is really stretching, physically and mentally.  But I think I am a better person for it.  

God is teaching me to be more dependent on Him.  And it is worth a little bit of work to enjoy the deeper connection with Him.

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