Beauty in Brokenness

"He has made everything Beautiful in it's time." Eccl. 3:11

Victory in Jesus…. NIU: the Return

on September 13, 2013

So I have some exciting news!

As of yesterday at noon, I am  officially cleared to report to my assignment at NIU……

Yep, that happened!  This is truly a miracle.  After only 7 short months (that felt like eternity) I have reached my minimum goal for financial support and can begin working at NIU with the students in the Cru ministry.

God is gracious and generous.  It blows my mind that so many people would feel led to join me in praying for and financially supporting what the Lord is doing in the hearts of college students.  It is overwhelming at times.

And that was definitely my first reaction.  Overwhelmed.

After almost a year of anticipation since feeling the calling to put in my application for Cru, it feels so surreal to have arrived at this place.  This was what it was all about.  After months of telling myself that the Lord’s timing is perfect, and trying to be ok with whatever timeline He has in store (some people take 2 years to finish) I am good to go.

I am so excited to be in this ministry!  I definitely feel unworthy of being given the opportunity to represent God in this way.  But we are all sinners in need of Christ.  And only in Christ will I be able to minister well to the college students I get to know.

It is easy to let other things steal my joy in this moment.  The fear of failing.  The knowledge that I am not strong enough to handle this.  There were definite challenges to the stage of waiting and preparing, but I had grown accustomed to it in a way.   I had learned to function.  It was something that was familiar.  To step into this role, being new and unexperienced is intimidating.

I am sad to admit that instead of celebrating with the Lord, I let these worries and insecurities steal a little bit of the joy of that moment.  Instead of looking to Christ and seeing all that he had done for me, I looked to myself.  And in doing that I robbed the Lord of His glory.

He never said I would do it alone.  He never said that I would have the strength to fill this role.  That is not a burden that He gave me.  It was always going to be Him from the very beginning.  None of us are worthy, but He is.  None of us are able, but He is.

I think this is a common problem for Christians today (at least it is for me).  We feel that there is some standard that we have to meet.  There is a certain way we should act.  Things that we should do.  Or more often than not there is a way we shouldn’t act, and things we shouldn’t do.  This is legalism.

Christ came and died because we could not be good enough.  He was perfect, but paid the price we owed for not living up to the commandments.  He doesn’t ask us to be good enough, because Christ was sufficient for us.  He is able to do more than we could ask or imagine.

Which ironically is the reason I wanted to join this ministry.  This is the message that I want to impart to students today.  This is the Good News that I want to share with souls in need of truth.  My job description now is to tell people this very thing.

But in the moment of Christ’s victory in life, I did not believe it.  I let myself believe the lie that God was asking me to do it myself.  That I had to be something that I couldn’t be to please Him.  To live up to His expectations, I had to do something that was completely out of my capability.

That is not the Gospel.

That is not reality.

That is not the Christ that I claim as Lord.

It is humbling to see how easily we can let the lies of the world creep in.  Even as a believer, I don’t believe so many times.  Thank God for grace.  He doesn’t even ask us to believe perfectly.  That is how loving and forgiving God is.

I call myself an unbelieving believer.  Because sometimes the truth about God that I know in my head really doesn’t make it to my heart.

The world calls us hypocrites, and I will stand here right now and say that I am one of them.  I say things with my mouth, but my actions don’t always measure up.  I say a lot and do little.  I say a lot and believe little.

But Christ has also made me a hypocrite.  Through Him he has allowed me to be what I was not.  He has allowed me to do what i couln’t do without Him.  I am a sinner, but he calls me a saint.  I am weak, but He is strong.  I am insecure, but He is steady.

So I, by not seeing Him clearly, I stole a sweet minute of glory from Him.  Instead of giving Him the praise he deserved, I was ridden with doubt and anxiety.

How can I doubt a God who is so gracious to me?

Thank goodness He is a God of unlimited second chances.  I can’t get that moment back.  I can’t start over.  But He has promised me many more little victories and many more moments of celebration if I keep my eyes on HIm.

He is sufficient for me.  His power is made perfect in my weakness.  2 Corinthians 12:9


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