Beauty in Brokenness

"He has made everything Beautiful in it's time." Eccl. 3:11

Un{ideal}istic expectations

on April 3, 2013

So confession time… I am an idealist. Actually I am a wierd combination of idealist and realist. Don’t ask me how that works, but somehow they both co exist somewhere deep in my soul. I have these grand unrealistic expectations. These huge ideas of how I want things to go and how I want them to feel. Its more of a large scale feeling, than nitty gritty little details. In the end I realize that I have no idea how to make these big idealistic dreams a reality, so I just give up and let life happen. Idealist meet realist. Lets hang out in the coffee shop of apathy where frustrated, disappointed, and anxious people go to distract themselves with insane amounts of coffee. Coffee solves everything.
Well, heck with it. Yesterday was my birthday. The big 2-5! and you know what I did to celebrate… not a whole lot.
I am not a huge fan of birthdays. I don’t hate them, I just don’t see think they are a huge deal. Just another day. I don’t plan it for weeks, or wake up and tell the world that I am another day older. It could be that through out the years birthdays just havent turned out to be anything hugely earth shattering.
I woke up perfectly content to have a normal, low key day. No big fuss. But the further into the day I got, the more bummed I became. I was doing exactly what I had planned, yet all these lies kept whispering to me. If I were loved then people would pay more attention… If I were cool, I would have planned a big birthday bash… No one really cares that its your birthday. My discontentment got the best of me.
Then the pity party set in….
Then I got upset that I was letting myself be upset….
Basically it was a big mess.
In a brief moment of rational thought, I tried to figure out why the day was so upsetting. And this is what I came up with…
I got a ton of texts and facebook messages from my friends.
I got to see my wonderful grandparents.
I recieved some very encouraging cards in the mail.
I got a few unexpected phone calls from family.
I had some really productive appointments for my new job.
My parents made plans to make my birthday a little more special.
and I got to spend a whole weekend with some of my favorite people.
So as you can see, it was really awful!
Honeslty, the day was business as usual. Nothin hugely out of the ordinary happened. So the conclusion I came to was that my life is so blessed that I don’t need huge, exciting plans for any day in particular.
I love the life I am blessed with. I can’t get so caught up in the big picture, that I don’t enjoy what is right in front of me. Because that would be tragic. To miss out on all life’s little joys, because you have your eyes on the huge hypothetical ideals would be to miss life altogether. Life is the sum of all the little moments. I can’t live in the “one days” or the “if onlys”. I want to soak up all the little “right nows”.
I have had 25 years of wonderful, everyday moments… and I can’t wait for years and years of more ordinary days.
Sometimes reality is more ideal than you think.

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